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Many young people have sex for the first time to “get it over with”
In a new study, several adolescents say they had sex mainly to avoid being the one who “hasn’t done it” – and not necessarily because it felt right in the moment.
In a new study, researchers have examined how young people understand and talk about their sexual debut – and what lies behind their decision to have sex for the first time.
The researchers behind the study are Rikke Tokle and Kari Stefansen at OsloMet's Norwegian Social Research Institute (NOVA).
They interviewed close to 130 upper secondary school students (aged 17 to 19) from different parts of Norway.
A narrow definition of debut
"Across gender and sexual orientation, the young people we spoke with defined sexual debut as penetrative sex," says Stefansen. "That means other experiences often 'don’t count,' even though they can feel just as intimate."
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The age of debut among the adolescents in the study ranged from 13 to 17 years.
Tokle and Stefansen divide their accounts into five different ‘debut projects.’
1. To ‘get it over with’ – often at a party
The most common project is about ‘getting it over with’, and is based on 46 accounts. Sex often happens at a party, often involving alcohol and a random partner.
Several describe the experience as clumsy or embarrassing, and some girls report pain.
Pressure from friends can speed things up, according to the researchers, and lead adolescents into situations before they themselves feel ready.
"Some young people attach great social significance to having had sex. It's about appearing ‘in the know’ in the friend group, about being able to drink when the obligatory questions about sex come up in drinking games at parties," Tokle says.
"The experience of group pressure often increases in upper secondary school and seemed to push young people into a kind of ‘ready mode’," she adds.
Many of the accounts revolve around seizing the first opportunity – typically at a party. Even if they are drunk or don't really like the other person that much. With the goal of getting it over with, pleasure is secondary anyway.
It's primarily about getting rid of the stigma that some experience around being a virgin, rooted in a widespread misconception that everyone else has ‘done it’.
"In the rush, they may also overlook the other person," Tokle says.
2. Strengthening an intimate relationship
Another project is about strengthening a romantic relationship.
Several described this as the ‘ideal debut’. The first time often happens while they are sober, in calm surroundings with a boyfriend orgirlfriend, or someone they are in love with.
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But the study also shows that expectations can clash. In some stories, one person hopes for a relationship, while the other only wants sex.
Several girls talk about disappointment and shame when contact suddenly stops afterwards.
3. Abstaining from sex during adolescence
Some choose to wait with sex, ideally until they are married.
Faith and belonging to a community with restrictive sexual norms play a role.
Several describe having to steer clear of situations where sex can easily happen, such as parties with a lot of alcohol.
4. Out of desire
Some, but relatively few and only boys in this study, say they debut because they are horny or curious.
In several of these stories, the debut happens quickly. That can lead to poor communication, and some regret it afterwards.
"There are some, but surprisingly few, in the sample who say that desire and curiosity drove them. It's also interesting that it's only boys who reported this as the reason for having sex for the first time," says Tokle.
5. To figure themselves out
Several queer adolescents say that they debuted to understand themselves and their sexual identity.
Some had intercourse with the opposite sex to have a debut that others ‘approve’ of, even though they were attracted to people of the same sex.
More than consent
The study shows that a ‘yes’ does not always mean that everything feels okay afterwards. Young people can engage in consensual sex for different reasons – to be liked, to gain social belonging, or to avoid being pestered.
Taken together, the different debut projects show that sexual debut in adolescence is not only about physical desire or sexual curiosity, but also about finding one’s place socially, understanding who one is, and living up to expectations linked to gender.
The study further shows that when young people enter sexual situations with different goals and expectations, it can lead to sexual encounters that are experienced as uncomfortable or unfair, even if they cannot necessarily be described as sexual assault.
For example, when it feels urgent, or when the actions are largely directed towards what others – such as friends and peers – will think or say.
The concept of ‘unethical sex’ can be useful for understanding these experiences. It's therefore not enough just to teach young people about sexual consent, the researchers argue.
Schools and parents should also encourage conversations about pressure, expectations, and boundary-setting – to strengthen young peoples’ sexual agency and ability to say ‘not now’ without feeling ashamed.
Reference:
Tokle, R & Stefansen, K. Sexual Debut Projects: Navigating Identity, Desire, and Risk in Youth Sexual Culture, Sexuality & Culture, 2025. DOI: 10.1007/s12119-025-10508-z
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